5 steps to win 2023
Sometimes, a new year feels fresh and exciting. Sometimes, we sigh massive sighs of relief that last year (whatever the hell THAT mess was) is over.
We want this year to be different.
We know it HAS to be.
We set goals and intentions.
We come out of the gate really fast - ultra disciplined, hyped up, and ready to take the bull by the horns.
Or…like many are experiencing right now…we’re just too tired for all that.
We simply want it to be different. We’re pleading with the Universe to make it so. We can’t fathom the idea of one more blow.
The following steps work no matter which side of the coin you’re on, because they’re all about creating balance and learning how to see your own success so you can enjoy more of it (both because you can see it AND because, when you see it, you’ll effortlessly attract more of it in every facet of your life.)
Create space.
Humans in modern time often sell their true gifts and brilliance right down the river by constantly being in motion. We NEED space to think, but, perhaps even more important than that, we need space to let our minds wander and be still. The only way we can truly get in touch with our own voice - the innate, guiding compass of our internal self - is to allow for this. Without it, we’re perpetually DOING without even thinking whether the action or opportunity we’re engaging with is taking us any closer to where we actually want to be or if it’s pulling us further away from it. Constant action also puts us on a one way street to lack of fulfillment (because often this means we’re simply following the herd), chronic exhaustion - physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually, and self-isolation because we feel like everyone else is “doing it” with no problem and we’re alone in our struggles (which is simply a perception issue - nobody is living this way with “no problem”)
Like I once did, you may believe that creating this kind of space for yourself is beyond your control, but - I assure you - you have far more control than you think.
Figure out what you actually want - with as much clarity as you can possibly distill.
It sounds obvious, but most (the past version of myself included) skip right over it. We mostly know what we want, but don’t take the time to figure out why or why it matters. Worse still, we often don’t know who WE actually are before we declare what we want, because our own identities have been lost under a million layers of generational patterns we feel like we have to keep up with or social constructs that modern society has pushed upon us (“You can now be SuperMom AND SuperBossLady!” - “As a man, you can now run free with your emotions AND be a badass leader!”). The pressure of what the world has put on us is building in every moment - especially if we have a deep attachment to needing to be “liked” (which, by the way, is completely natural. More on that in another blog!)
It’s not that you can’t be SuperMom AND SuperBossLady, etc - it’s just that you have to put down what everyone else says that means and define it completely for yourself…and then do that without any shame or guilt that you’re not “fitting in”. If that sounds like a fairy tale, I get it. I didn’t believe things like this were possible either, but my clients access them every day.
3. Learn how to measure growth and progress properly.
One of the great tragedies in life is that the most successful people often can’t see it for themselves. They’re high-achieving humans - people look up to them, ask them for advice, rely on their strength, and value their presence…all the while they ask themselves “Why are they asking me? Why do they think I have the answer?” and are secretly hypercritical of everything they are and do AND buried in insecurity, self-doubt, and lack of self-trust.
These things are all tied together. We can’t see our own success, so we constantly beat ourselves up. We’re so focused on what didn’t go “right” that we slip into the depths of overthinking, because we don’t trust any decisions we make. Meanwhile, many come to us for advice and are delighted by the results. How is it that everyone else trusts and relies on our decisions and actions, but we can’t?
Often, the problem is that these people are measuring their progress against a future vision instead of measuring it against their starting point. The problem with measuring progress about a future vision is that it’s not real yet, so we keep moving the goalposts on ourselves as we get closer to realizing it - completely missing the fact that we just accomplished what we set out to do to begin with, because we’re already focused on something else. Please don’t do this to yourself - it’s a recipe for constantly having your nose to the grindstone and never feeling like you’re getting anywhere and you can 100% opt out of this mindset pitfall.
4. Find your people.
2023 is the year to stop playing to the crowd. Take stock of the people in your life and who you’re a constant support for who can’t or won’t support you in return. Realize who you spend time with who you feel you can’t be the fullest version of yourself around. The people I work with are often “accidental leaders” - people look to them for advice, guidance, and support and, thus, often find themselves inadvertently surrounded by people who need them, but can’t support them in return. This does not mean they’re bad people - it simply means they’re at a different stage of their journey.
I’m not at all suggesting we shouldn’t be helpful or caring towards others facing hardship, I’m simply reminding you that you are not required to set yourself on fire to keep others warm.
The bonus to this is that the more you distance yourself from people you have to perform or provide for (on some level) that can’t return the favor, the more space you create for the people that can and want to.
Warning: The transition from not being where you were to not yet being where you’re going can get lonely. It’s worth it, but it pays to find transitional support for this process so you don’t leap back into the “comfort” zone just because you don’t see your other options yet.
5. Find your own answers.
Look, I love books and I’m a perpetual learner. My own book will be published shortly (more on the why and what at the end of this post). Books, however, are markedly limiting, because most of them are a one-way dialogue filled with someone else’s answer or system that you feel like you have to shove yourself perfectly into in order to get results. You may try, but it won’t take long for you to realize you’re not them and so the way they did whatever it is just doesn’t suit you perfectly.
We must learn to color outside the lines and embrace who we are, what we need, and how best to accomplish that with the gifts and experience we’ve personally been given. Those gifts may be similar to those of others, but they’re never identical. Two people can stand in the same room and witness the exact same event and process it completely differently.
In order to find the answers that truly suit us best AND be willing to take action on them without feeling less than or guilty or shameful, we must learn to trust ourselves and love ourselves enough (thus allowing us to feel deserving) to lean into anything we want the most.
Above all things, “failing” at something doesn’t make you unique - it makes you human. We aren’t here to be robots fitting perfectly within “the system”. We’re here to explore and wonder and create and love. Proceed accordingly.
As always, if you need help creating your custom action strategy for establishing the certainty, stability, and time freedom you desire, please schedule a call with me here.
With all my love,
Beth
P.S. My book will be available by Spring and shares my unique experience and way out of burnout and the self-isolation it creates. It’s written to help business owners and love leaders shift out of burnout and into balance so they can finally experience the spacious lives and deep relationships they want without compromising their professional endeavors. I’m sure you can imagine that it’s full of questions you can ask yourself that will help begin to guide you to your own answers. My own life changed when I stopped wishing I fit in and starting getting curious about why I didn’t…which is one of the many reasons this particular book is different than many others.